even the butterfly gets tired.
The importance of alone time.
I am only ever me. I’m not some other person or version or character, I am me. In every sense of the word. Sure, I may strive to be a better version than who I am now but in every present moment: now, now, and now, I am always me. Therefore, it stands, that I am my own constant. I am my own guarantee in this one life that I have (depending on your beliefs).
Let’s circle back to the point of this discussion, tirade, spilling of thoughts onto the proverbial page. Alone time. Time spent by yourself, with no one else around. This is a requirement for me. I need to spend time with my own mind as a way of recharging my social batteries but also as a way to make sure that who I am at this given moment feels good. Am I making decisions that feel good for my life? Am I spending time with people who encourage love and creativity, and who support me? I also really enjoy quiet time. I have to be careful, though, because there does come a point where too much alone time starts to fuck with my psyche, teetering the line of agoraphobia. I don’t have the condition but it’s a good example of how too much alone time can be disconcerting.
Again, let’s circle back. You’ll have to excuse my digressions, I’ve been spending some time alone the last few days (on and off) and my brain is having a hard time focusing on one specific topic for this prose.
Let’s talk about alone time in relationships. I am an introvert much more than I am an extrovert. Although, if you ask my friends, they might disagree. But this is something you grow to understand about me over time, which is something they might not have yet. I’m creating a living for myself where I talk. That’s right, I talk for a living. I have a podcast, I create social media content for said podcast, and I’m about to graduate from a trade school with a certification to be a Professional Certified (life) Coach. Talking is a requirement for all of these things. And I do enjoy talking, but I’m also trying to convince myself that most of coaching will be listening, active listening as they call it, and truth be told, I’m severely looking forward to that aspect of it.
If you could see me smacking myself in the face right now you would understand that I’ve digressed, again.
Having alone time in a relationship is necessary. Giving your partner space and, more importantly, giving yourself space is crucial to maintaining your individuality. This is all my own opinion, so take from it what you will, but my opinion is that in order to understand what you need in a relationship you have to take time to yourself in order to reconnect and gain perspective. It’s difficult to do that if you’re constantly with someone else, so take space. Now I’m not talking about days or weeks at a time, just a few hours, a night, whatever feels good for you. Plus I think it’s equally important to miss your partner. Missing someone and showing them that you miss them is good for the health of the relationship. We become so enmeshed in our relationships that we forget that we are two individual people, so separating for our own mental health should be a good thing.
I do have to admit, however, that if I could spend every day with my partner — I would. So maybe this is an attempt at me reminding myself that I do enjoy being alone and allowing us space is necessary. What are your thoughts? Is it necessary to take space from your partner and what does that look like?
